Saturday, May 16, 2009


I currently live in a small town where I go to school. Right now i am sitting at my dad's house where i used to live. it is torture. i love this place and i miss it so much. i miss my friends, who i am getting a small dose of yesterday and today only to have to say goodbye again. the problem is that i am torn between here and there. i have a boyfriend at school. a potentially really good thing. i've always wanted to go to school and then possibly move out of state to at least see what it is like. i don't think that is an option for him. i think he forever wants to live in the country doing the same things. part of him wants to make it big in his career, which no doubt means moving somewhere else (unless he decides to commute).
i am absolutely torn because i don't think i want to stay in that little town forever. i want to come back home or move somewhere else. it would be nice to move somewhere where my profession will make a little bit more money than here considering it's not much. it would be nice to move somewhere without much snow. it would be nice to start over. it really does scare me. it scares me to stay in this middle of nowhere existence. and it scares me to lose what could be an awesome guy. i know it is a long time away and i should take it as it comes, but it has been a question in my mind every day since i met him. what is worth sacrificing? what will make me happy? what can i live without? what can't i live without?
why is everything good always so complicated?

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